Monday, April 11, 2005

My Favorite Drunk

Yesterday, I ran into my neighbor who lives in the apartment directly below me. I was getting out of my car. She was getting into hers. I smiled. She glared. It was our usual interaction.

I think she figured out that I was the person who complained to management about her loud music a year ago. Hence, the animosity between us.

Even though she is not my favorite neighbor, I can’t help but crack an amused smile every time I see her. She’s an entertaining drunk with equally as entertaining drunk friends.

Whenever I see her, I think about the time she and a male friend stumbled up to the third floor after a late night of drinking. When she realized she was on the wrong floor, she shouted incoherently, “We went too high!” I'm lying in bed thinking to myself, "It's not enough just to be drunk and stupid, but you feel the need to advertise that stupidity to everyone in Building 12?!"

Another time, she and a car full of friends pulled up in front of my building around 1 a.m. The bass speakers were thumping and the girls were shouting and giggling. I watched as my neighbor opened the door of the SUV and tumbled to the ground. Behind her, another twit came stumbling out of the vehicle. This one tripped her way to the wall that surrounds my apartment complex. There, she proceeded to pull down her pants and urinate in the gravel. When she finished, she gave her bum a few shakes, pulled her pants back up and stumbled back to the vehicle. While all this is happening, the girls in the vehicle are laughing hysterically. My neighbor doubled over and nearly toppled onto the sidewalk.

I’m watching all of this from my window thinking, “Classy bunch of friends you got there, Hon.”

So every time she glares at me, I want to walk up to her and say, “Sweety, at least I know what floor I live on and my friends are toilet-trained!” Double whammy!


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